It’s getting cooler in New York, the mornings often smell like cross country, and whenever I am outside I feel content. And with that, I am mostly discontent. Which is to say, I constantly want to be outside.

Having moved out to East Flatbush, Kara and I are now just a 30–45 minute bike away from Jacob Riis beach. For some reason—either to avoid the day crowds or soak up the cooler weather—we have done a couple of afternoon/evening trips out to the beach. In our last visit, we noticed a handful of people looking out to the ocean with binoculars. Finally someone pointed out the large number of dolphins passing by and even a whale out in the distance. It was quite the sight to see as the sun was slowly setting.

At the other end of the days, I have been slowly getting back into running. I spent a few months just running once or twice a week to test the waters, and am now (somehow remaining patient) running 20-25 miles a week.

More important than the miles, I’ve been venturing over to the Marine Park Salt Marsh Nature Trail which has a beautiful gravel loop along the water. When I get on the trail, it is hard to believe I am in Brooklyn. I feel like I am in the south again every time I do a loop.

As I reflect on this, I think this is the first time since I first started running competitively that I have let myself have a more casual relationship with running. I have been trying to let my guard down and reevaluate my relationship with the sport. This isn’t to say I won’t continue to run competitively, that fire is still very much there, but rather, as I get older I am more interested in how I approach running.

It seems that I have been trying to take a step back and really consider my relationship with a lot of things in my life right now.

Kara and I were recently at a book store when I spotted Gathering Moss by Robin Wall Kimmerer. On a whim, I picked it up and decided it was coming home with me. Little did I know how important that book was going to be. I have struggled to get into any habit of reading over the past year or two, and quite honestly I felt really discouraged by that. Because I want to read. I really do! But it always feels like a chore and I never feel the books pulling me back to them. So I kept chalking it up to “maybe this reading thing isn’t for me.”

Then I started reading about moss. And it was exciting! I was captivated! Who would have thought? While I have always been interested in nature, but I don’t think I have ever properly acknowledged it. As I was reading Gathering Moss, it dawned on me that the last time I was this excited about a book, it was when I was reading Andrea Wulf’s The Invention of Nature. After cruising through Kimmerer’s book, I picked up The Wild Tress by Richard Preston to test my theory—do I really love reading about nature?

Turns out, I’m a sucker for this! I was reading about the early exploration of the redwood canopies and the birth of modern tree climbing, and I couldn’t get enough. While I am not sure if it is just a wave or not, I have decided to ride it. I am now reading Robin Wall Kimmerer other book, Braiding Sweetgrass, and let me just say… what an incredible author.

Between the beautiful weather and all of these books, I am dangerously close to expediting my mid-life crisis where I change careers and become a botanist. Which brings me back to evaluating my relationships with things and constantly wanting to be outside. While I was once consumed by my work, I am not finding myself wanting to work less and less. With commute times, somedays work pulls me away from home for up to 12 hours. And so I have been asking myself, how do I work less? And what does that even look like?

The “what does that look like” part is a little easier to think about. I want to go for more walks outside. I want to be able to spend more time with Kara. I want to buy a pair of binoculars and go bird watching. I want to run when it is light out.

So how do I work towards that? We will see. For now, I am going without social media on the weekends and turning down any freelance work. I think that will help me start to rewire my brain a bit.